But it is my girls nonetheless and I love it anyway.

Yesterday, I was having a very hard time positioning her because when I would touch her, she would try to eat me bc she can smell the milk all over me.  She would start grunting, crying and flailing herself around…it was awful.  I warned Kristin how bad it would be and she still said “no problem” and totally understood, from one photographer mommy to another, that it was just almost impossible to take your own child’s pictures.  Well, low and behold, Kristin must have had the magic touch bc Marlowe was an angel for her…slept so peacefully and was even a little bit curly/bendy, when most baby’s lose that after the first week or so.

The best part…was that I was able to sit back and enjoy my baby’s newborn session while still being able to take pictures myself!  It was the easiest thing ever, LOL.  Kristin did all the hard work, while I sat back and adored my precious baby girl and snapped a few shots while I was at it.  So thank you Kristin for being here today, taking her pictures and allowing me to even participate a bit myself.  I am so excited to see your pictures and more importantly, to get a HUGE canvas put on her wall above her dresser.  That was always my vision ever since the day I found out I was pregnant and today, you made it all come true.  I owe you BIG TIME. 

Here are a few of the shots I got today…thanks to Kristin’s fabulous posing jobs!

Marlowe is still struggling to eat and digest her food.  She is currently taking 3 bottles and 5 tube feeds…but typically the 3 bottle feeds end up as tube feeds as well bc she is just to exhausted to finish her bottles.  They want her drinking 38cc right now and she is able to take between 15-22cc on her own, then the rest is fed through her tube.  They have decided to treat her for jaundice since her levels are not really going down and they think it might help some with the lethargic issues during feeding times.

I am officially a pumping maniac…the nurses in the NICU joke that I could supply the entire NICU with breastmilk.  I pumped at work with Olivia for 14 months, so it feels like the good ol’ days, haha.  I have milk coming out my ears and my baby girl better start eating up or it will all go to waste.  For the record, I am sick of all this pumping nonsense and looking so forward to breastfeeding my baby.  I know it won’t be easy, since currently I am not allowed to even try.  They say she is just too lethargic and would likely choke on it and waste way too much of her little bit of energy trying.  It breaks my heart, but I will continue to pump til our time comes.  And if our time never comes, god forbid, I will pump til she is at least 2.  I am a big time breastfeeding mommy and this has been one of the hardest things on me bc I feel like we NEED that bonding time.  But I just need to remember that our time will come.

On Saturday we received some scary news.  Her newborn screening tested positive for Congential Hypothyroidism, which means she will need to take a thyroid hormone replacement her entire life.   After speaking with her endocrinologist, they informed us that they believed that Marlowe was born without a thyroid completely, rather than just having a deficiency.  We were told she would be transported via ambulance to Rady Children’s Hospital on Monday for scans/testing to verify if she has a thyroid and if so, where it was located.  We received the results back from the scans today and they confirmed that Marlowe was born without a thyroid and requires complete lifetime thyroid hormone replacement.  Luckily the news was not shocking since they had prepared us for those results from the time we were notified of the positive screening.

The neonatologist and the endocrinologist believe that once they can find a good level of hormone replacement for her, we will likely see a drastic increase in her alertness and ability to eat on her own.  So while being scary news, it seems like once we get it all figured out, she will feel better and come home sooner.   She is also suffering from bradycardia, which is when the heartrate drops below 60bpm.  She was suffering from them around 12 times a day and since we got her on her Levoxyl (thyroid hormone replacement), it has dropped to about 3 a day.  So they also believe her lack of a thyroid was causing the bradycardia.  However, they do know she is suffering from severe reflux, which is also contributing to the bradycardia…when she starts refluxing, her heartrate drops until she spits up or vomits.

All in all, she is doing well but has had a few bumps in the road.  I have a cough today and didn’t want to go into the NICU til it passes…but I did get a call from her doctor and she told me that Marlowe was moved from her incubator to an open crib!  That is awesome news, as it indicates she is able to regulate her own body temperature now.  One step closer to coming home!  She just needs to work on her eating/digestion issues and then she should be on her way out of there.  Unfortunately, there is no telling when that will happen and we just need to put on our patient panties and wait it out.  And believe me, she is worth the wait.

Here are a few crappy iphone pictures to share with you guys…many of them were taken at night, so the quality is REALLY bad, but you get the idea at least!

Here is my very favorite picture of her so far…I can’t wait to get this little girl home and have a newborn session with her.

Here we are holding hands and I was giving her a little help with her paci because she is not quite so good at it, LOL.  Either was Olivia!

Here I am feeding her a bottle…you can tell she isn’t exactly awake and excited about it.

Here we are kangarooing (skin on skin contact with mama)…best night of our NICU stay yet!  I am not sure who needs it more, haha.

Here was the first night I showed up to the NICU to find her in her own clothes!  I was so excited!!!  Even though it looks like a boy outfit, I promise it is considered “unisex” and that some of the elephants have flowers on them. 

And finally, here is a picture of her and her daddy…he is so in love with her!  And if you know what Olivia looked like as a newborn, you would know that she looks just like her!  It is crazy.  And she looks so much like me as a baby, even more than Olivia did.

Due to her size, Marlowe was immediately sent to the NICU.  Fortunately, the additional steroids I received must have been very beneficial because her lungs appear to be doing awesome.  The IUGR has proven to cause all the normal issues it is known for.  Marlowe is having trouble with feeding/digestion, controlling her own body temperature and her tummy is distended due to large amounts of air she can’t seem to pass on her own.  But overall, she is doing very well…just has some hurdles to get through.  In just 2 days, we have already begain the NICU rollercoaster.  We hear a different story on her progress everytime we are there bc her situation can change rapidly.  In the last day she has started refusing feedings, which doesn’t make her pumping mama happy (HAHA), and has had a feeding tube inserted.  The hope is to get enough food in her to strengthen her and give her the desire to start feeding more on her own.

As for me…I am doing ok.  I think I am healing as expected and I don’t feel too horrible.  I have pain and I am pretty damn uncomfortable…but I would do it all over again to ensure my baby girl made her entrance into the world in the safest way possible.  Every single person in this hospital has confirmed we made the best possible decision and that this baby could have never endured labor for multiple reasons.

Thanks again for all of your support and prayers during this whole journey.  I will continue to share more pictures and updates on our newest adventures in the NICU.  They hope Marlowe will be able to come home in the next 10 days or so, but tell me to expect that she could be there til her due date on 2/7.

Here are some pictures from my phone…I will try to get some better pictures of her in the near future.  But for now, these will have to do!

Here she is being checked over by the NICU nurses in my operating room (excuse the blur, my husband was rather shaky, LOL)…

Here is our first family picture with Marlowe…

Here she is waiting for her bed to be ready in the NICU…

And this is the very first time I saw her since the operating room, in the NICU…

And here she is today, getting her occupational therapy and showing off her new feeding tube…

And me…looking LARGE. Not a good shirt choice for pictures, haha. But I didn’t feel like changing and most of my shirts are too short at this point. This is the most pregnant I have ever been! I gave birth with Olivia at 36 weeks 5 days and I am 37 weeks today!  On Tuesday, she will finally be here to meet everyone!  I can hardly wait!